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Love, Suffering and Dhoka! Fear Shouldn’t Be the Base of Any Relationship

Lonely girl
Photo courtesy: Judge Randhawa

She was just another 17 year old girl who came to the big city of Delhi to chase her dreams with a naive mind and a heart full of desires.  A small town girl who aspired to touch the sky one day, little did she know that this was just going to be the beginning of her own horror story. Little did she know that she was about to meet her real life demon who would shatter her soul, her life and her entire being.

That small town girl is me. Now a strong, confident woman of 29, I am ready and willing to share what she went through as a teen. I feel compelled and almost obligated to share this dark part of my life as I realised that there are many young girls out there who are being subjected into a similar horror, which needs to be addressed and stopped right away.

My demon came in the form of my ex Delhiite boyfriend who was more of a terror than a lover.

I won’t take his name (not for his sake, I just don’t want to give him a few moments of fame) but if my ex is reading this, shame will overpower his arrogance for sure.

So, what went wrong?

I fell in love for the first time, and my love destroyed me. All the ideas I had of the ideal love were thrown out of the window and what remained was a carcass of broken dreams. For four long years I was a victim of violence. I was abused both physically and verbally. It started with him calling me a ‘bitch’ casually at first and then it kept getting more and more potent with slangs like ‘b***ch*d’ and ‘maa*a****d’.

And then one day he beat me. And there was no stopping after that. Slaps, kicks and punches became part of my ‘love life’. The smallest of the things would tick him and kick off a fit of rage in him. I used to be pampered with these almost everyday. Very often I would return home with a swollen nose or bruised eyes. Make-up then became my saviour to hide my sorrow and shame from the world. I even thought of going to the police. But he knew what was coming and he had the perfect counter plan.

He would blackmail me with my personal photographs and videos which he clicked without my consent. I was shocked to see them and even deleted them from his phone but he proudly told me that he had several copies of them. I was devastated! I didn’t know what to do and who to turn to. I was getting sucked into a bottomless pit.

I was a puppet on this evil man’s hands. Eat when he asks me to eat, sit when he tells and sleep as per his wish. Fear had killed my self-esteem. I was scared that he would upload the photos and videos on social media, and my family’s reputation would be tarnished.

And what’s more? He was two timing me all this while! One day after four years of ugly dating, I got a call from a girl who referred to herself as ‘the girlfriend of my boyfriend’. Apparently, she was dating him for eight years which even included my four years. After hours of talking over the phone, we girls met and were shocked over the revelations that unfolded before us. This girl told me that he would beat her too, and had blackmailed her the same way he had done to me. I was stunned. He was a professional at this, someone who derived a sadistic pleasure out of torturing.

Something had to be done. My love was long dead and this was the last nail on the head. All my fears abandoned me and I had this new found courage to face this fiend.

Both of us made a plan to catch him red-handed. I called him over to meet me and the other girl also showed up. The sight of his face turning pale I will never forget, it was such a sweet pleasure. He wanted to escape but we hit him so hard one-by-one that I am sure he wouldn’t forget all his life. I am not the person who takes pleasure in anyone’s pain but for that single moment I was happy to the point of being ecstatic.

What grieved me further was that his mother knew it! All along she knew about me and the other girl, she knew that her son was a swine who was playing around with two young girls’ hearts at the same time. I would visit his home often and have dinners with his family like I was part of it. And so would the other girl. His Mom would call both of us ‘bahu’. I wonder to this day, how a woman who has been somebody’s daughter, someone’s lover, a wife and a mother would not only allow this to happen but be proud of the fact that her son was man enough to have a few  girlfriends. I say this with a very heavy heart but shame on womanhood like this!

That was the end of my relationship with male dominance, violence and betrayal. I was a free bird and promised myself never to tolerate abuse of any kind again.

I don’t know what took me so long to take a stand for myself and revolt against that monstrous creature.  Maybe I was too young and scared, maybe I didn’t have the guts and maybe my love was blind. But better late than never, I finally broke my silence.

This was my story, a piece of my life I am not proud of but nonetheless something that made me who I am today.

If you too ever had or are living a horror tale, please don’t wait for as long as I did. Reach out to your family and friends whose love we have underestimated. They are our pillar of strength and will always be in our lives.

The writer has written this blog on condition of anonymity

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